Alphabet Soup

A few people have asked what happenned to my blog. The short answer is I didn't keep up with it, thats all. The longer answer is I've just not had the energy/willpower to add blogging to my list of to-dos. I will try to keep up with it in the future. As to why I've had no energy? Well, read on dear friends!

I'm starting to feel like a big bowl of alphabet soup. The list of posible diagnosis keeps growing, I still feel like crud as we try to get to the bottom of this, but at least the doctors here in Montana are TRYING, and LISTENING to me, unlike back home.

The rundown of "probables"

• PTSD
• PCOS
• PA and/or MS
• Celiac
• Crohns or UC
• Disociative Disorder

The "knowns"

• Severe Vitamin D deficiancy (just found this out tonight)
• Low-end "Normal" of B-12 serum levels (further testing needed as serum levels are misleadingly high normally)

The "possibles"

• Bi-Polar (feels so nice to get this off the 'knowns' list!)

I've started b12 sub-lingual supplements--if they help after a month my PCP and I will look at b12 shots. Thursday I pick up mega-dose weekly pills for the Vitamin D issue. 6 weeks of those and then a retest. I see a GI in August--so that will be more testing, very likely including the dreaded endoscopy and colonoscopy. In September I get to go see a neurologist--who I'm assuming will want to poke and prod as well, possibly including a spinal tap.

Right now, I admit it, I'm downright scared. I'm also sick and tired of being sick and tired, y'know? The worst is the gut issues. I know I felt better when I was on a gluten free diet, but I can't go back to that (which will end up being a GFCF diet) until after the testing because it could cause a false negative. So I'm walking that delicate line of eating what I can as normal, without making myself too sick for work, but trying to balance it out with a few "good" foods so I can at least feel full.

Learning to Let go--Self Forgiveness

No matter how much we talk of self love and self respect, we will all have our moments. No human can be perfectly confident or treat themselves perfectly every day of their life, no matter how much we try. Even when we really, really want to be. To use myself as an example:

Last December I began having health issues, which may be either UC or Crohns. I have not gone through full diagnosis yet but I believe it to be Crohns (until tonight I was leaning more towards UC but finally found some good articles explaining the differences). Began…who am I kidding—looking back through my history I’m fairly sure I had my first major flare when I was 18.  Anyway. To deal with this I have to be very careful about my diet. Several foods are big no-nos. Several of my favorite foods.

On this list of foods I’m not supposed to have, the top three are Milk (and a few other dairy products, unless lactose free), caffeine, and alcohol. I say not supposed to because I fully admit I have very weak willpower when it comes to such. Take tonight: Right now there is a Diet Coke and Bacardi sitting next to me. Further down the dresser is the cup from the milkshake I had earlier. Yep, I’m a bad girl, and I have been for several days now.

I’m suffering for it too, but it doesn’t fully deter me. I know I have no one to blame for my pain and the hours in the bathroom but myself.

 I know that eating these things and ignoring my body’s reactions are exactly the opposite of what I need to be doing. We all know this when we do things like this, be it an addiction—drugs, smoking, alcohol, food; or just something little—“I can skip the gym today, no big deal” or “Well I know I’m hurting but if I do one more set…”; even things like not putting makeup on or skipping a shower. We KNOW we shouldn’t. That doesn’t stop us.

AND IT’S OK! REALLY!

I’m not saying that we should blow off these things entirely. What I’m saying is that beating ourselves up over these little slip ups doesn’t make them go away, or make the situation any better. Do your best to get back on track. (I, for one, will be cutting caffeine out again as of tomorrow. Without the coke I won’t drink the alcohol. Not a fan of plain rum!) Use a support network (Such as the fact that I’m going to tell AJ to kind of keep an eye on me on these things. The alcohol isn’t a problem; I can go a long time without that. The caffeine and dairy on the other hand….)

So where is this blog going? What is this all about?

I suppose these must be the two most commonly asked questions of a new blogger--both from their readers, and to themselves. I know I have been thinking long and hard about this, myself.  At first I planned for this to be just a journal of sorts, a way for me to record the personal journey I am. Which is great for me, but what does it offer to my readers? (Aside, I hope, from inspiration.)

I had a few ideas and threw them at a friend of mine this evening to see if it sounded good. She's done this all before, been a blogger and all, and I was looking for her input. To my surprise, it seemed to make more sense to her than it did to me! So here's what I envision for the Lunar Road:

*A place for inspiring stories of personal journeys, self love (no not THAT kind of self love, get your mind out of the gutter!) and self awareness. These would be from several sources: Real People, Fictional Characters, my own stories, myths, allegories....

"So you're going to be another "Chicken Soup for the Soul" type of blog?"

No....there's more dear reader, I promise!

*Healthful living. Part of self love and self respect is taking care of yourself. No fads, no gimmicks...just healthy living tips, advice, articles, whatever comes up. This may include things like how to handle situtations where the foods you need (be it for a health reason like myself or just a personal choice) are not available for long periods of time. You know, like when your diet is limited due to the fact you live in a dorm and have to eat what is served--which would be what I'm going through currently.

I'm not going to preach about my own diet or anything like that...just share insight on what I learn along the way. My own diet is far from ideal, even for my own health issues.

*Tips to help you along your own journey to self awareness, respect, and love. Not just from me but articles, book reviews, and possibly guest bloggers!

*Spirituality. There is more to this word than religion and I will attempt to focus on that rather than on religion itself. If I offend anyone with my statements on this subject I am sorry, honestly. I do not mean to, everyone's path is their own. For me this includes things like Yoga and Meditation, both of which will more than likely be featured.


Quote:   When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world.  I found it was difficult to change the world, so I tried to change my nation.  When I found I couldn't change the nation, I began to focus on my town.  I couldn't change the town and as an older man, I tried to change my family.  Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself, and suddenly I realize that if long ago I had changed myself, I could have made an impact on my family.  My family and I could have made an impact on our town.  Their impact could have changed the nation and I could indeed have changed the world.  ~Author Unknown