Bleh..setbacks

Yesterday I was supposed to finally go to the gastroenterology doc, but my body had other plans, apparently. The day started well enough. Got up only a little after my alarm, got showered, groomed and dressed, even got some dishes done from the night before. A few pans remained but I didn't want to chance splashing myself and making a mess out of my nice clean clothes. About a half hour before we planned to leave I rested my butt on the arm of the couch to look over my beloved's shoulder at some phone chargers he was looking at online. When I went to stand up to move to my chair I suddenly cried out in pain. I think it's my SI joint but I'm not certain. All I know is I had to cancel that appointment and the neurologist appointment today..

I very carefully dropped myself to the floor. I was sobbing by then. I ended up spending most of the day in bed. Muscle relaxers and painkillers did nothing for me. Nothing in the slightest. The only thing that helped in the slightest was a heating pad (the kind you put in the microwave) under my hips. I was able to get up for a little bit and eat dinner at my desk but then I had a hell of a time getting back to bed. I'm so tired of laying here--thankfully the bed is adjustable and I can sit up or raise my feet as needed.

Its just so frustrating. I was doing so well, I was keeping up with things, I was baking and cooking and cleaning....I have so much that I want to do and I'm stuck in bed. I got up for a few minutes this morning but it was not meant to be. Its maddening, really. My honey is working on lunch and I'm going to go out and try to sit at the desk--if my body will cooperate to get me that far-- to eat. This HAS to get better by morning or we'll be in a really tough spot. He'll be back to work and I don't know if I can deal with this alone tomorrow.

Yes, I'm still alive

I know I know, I haven't posted in almost two years. Sorry about that. Shortly after my last post I lost my position in Yellowstone, because I was sick too much. This forced me back to Michigan, a lack of insurance kept me from getting further tests and treatments, etc etc. A couple months after returning to Michigan, things went sour with my fiance. His loss, not mine. Around that same time I had gotten into the virtual world of Second Life. I met an amazing guy there. We had our ups and downs, his mother was diagnosed with cancer and we did break up for a bit, but we worked through everything. When his mother passed in the early spring last year, I traveled to Florida to help him sort through things, and we decided to make a real go of it. We sold the house, packed everything up, and headed north to be near the rest of his family in New Jersey.

We settled into a two bedroom apartment, acquired a golden retriever/yellow lab mix and an orange and white tabby cat, and made a life for ourselves. Except that I was sick. ALL. BLEEPING. FALL.  Then all freaking winter too!! I was finally able to get insurance this spring. I've been seeing a primary care doctor and a neurologist. I have my first gastroenterologist appointment tomorrow. I got new glasses too, but I still need to get in with a couple other specialists. I've yet to see a mental health professional but now that I'm getting healthy my moods are better too.

The bad news first: my cholesterol was high (well yeah, has been for years); my A1c was a hair high (not diabetic though, so that's awesome); and my blood pressure was REALLY REALLY high.

The great news though: I DO NOT HAVE MS!!!!! I have what's called Complicated Migraine Variables. It can pretty much mimic MS, but is controllable. I'm on meds for it (as well as for the cholesterol and blood pressure) that have helped a lot. I'm not having spasms and twitchyness anywhere near as much, just the occasional, far more normal twitches. My leg, arm, and face, no longer go numb or 'vanish'. I've even gotten feeling back on the outside of my left hand and pinky, and the outside of my left foot. I'm not even having as many headaches. My blood pressure is now pretty much under control too.

I'm still having some gastric issues and dizziness, but other than that I'm feeling worlds better than I did this winter. The last three days I've been up and about, cooking, cleaning, organizing a bit. Its been awesome to see Anthony's face when he comes home from work and sees that I've been actually doing stuff. He is the most amazing man I've ever had in my life. He stuck by and helped me through the worst months of my life, when I could barely walk from the living room to the bathroom, stayed at my side, waited on me, cooked for me, did the housework on top of working outside of the home. For the first time that I can remember I really feel as if I matter to someone.

On top of all of this, he's alright with me having a woman in my life. Ok well, we share her, but she and I are much closer than the two of them. We met her through Second Life, and she is coming to visit us next month. Rachel has been instrumental in my recovery, to be honest. Her encouragement and unwavering faith in me has meant so much. Not to say we haven't had our moments. We're both very emotional people, and so is Anthony. When we fight it can get intense, but once it's over and we're all good again, we find ourselves that much stronger for it. That is what love is all about, to me.